Tom and Mike Update

HI Everyone:
Tom had his pacemaker surgery today and it was a rather quick
procedure, he was ready to eat about 2 hours later and seems to be
doing fine. He is still having a slight problem with the A
Fibrillation, which they've been correcting with meds, but they
expect that the surgery will be successful in due time. He is
getting some strength back after two sleepless nights and when you
read the rest of the story, you will understand why he couldn't sleep.

Things have been surreal for the past week while we've been dealing
with Tom's heart surgeries, because at the same time as when Tom went
into surgery last Friday, I found out that Mike, his 27 yr old son,
was on life support back in St Louis. I'm going to give you a very
brief explanation of the circumstances, but Tom was already under and
they were starting his surgery when I found out about the situation.
Tom's Dr made the decision that the surgery should go on as Tom's
health was vulnerable and he may not have been able to handle the
situation in St Louis. I was fortunate that my sister, Dar and Bob,
brother-in-law were just arriving from AZ and she has been with me
since. She and Bob were my life savers. To make a very long story
short, Mike was on life support for 3 days from Friday am until
Sunday pm and was removed from life support, as the only activity was
for breathing slightly and he would be institutionalized for life,
his kidneys and liver were gone. Unfortunately, Tom, being his
closest living relative, had to be the one to make the decision to
remove Mike from life support and because Tom was heavily sedated
and was the only decision maker (Mike's mom died about 13 years
ago), things were not only bad for us, but also for the family and
friends that were with Mike during those horrible 3 days at the
hospital in St Louis. I was handling things from the hospital here
and put a few people in charge at the hospital in St Louis, but
because Tom had to make the decision, he had to find out about it,
before it seemed like the right thing to do. It was an apparent drug
overdose. Mike had been telling everyone close to him in St Louis
and us that he was clean from any drugs for at least the past 3
months. I called Kelly, Tom's daughter and Tom's good friend, Bill
DeIuliis in St louis to take care of things for us, as he also knew
Mike quite well, so I knew that Tom would be comfortable with that
decision and would know that Mike was in good hands.

Mike has been cremated and we plan to have a celebration of his life
at a later date, when Tom is healthy enough to travel and can return
to St Louis to get his ashes and grieve with his family and
friends,. Everyone has been so helpful, kind and torn by the
situation, but have also been so concerned about Tom. The only
people that knew in St Louis were those family and friends visiting
and caring for Mike and I waited until after Tom was told about Mike
to tell anyone in my family or any other friends, as I wanted Tom to
be the first to know.

I know that you're reading this and can hardly believe it and that is
exactly how it has been for everyone. We are coming to grips and I'm
anxious for Tom to come home as he will be able to deal with his
emotions here. At the hospital he told me that he can't even get a
good cry going and it's so understandable. When Tom had to make the
decision he had only about 4 hours to absorb the information and had
been under medication so we had to wait until he could be more
coherent. At that point, he asked Dr Hemp, "if you had a son, and
you were faced with this situation, what would you do?" and the Dr
told him that he would discontinue life and Tom said "me too", I
agree", so then his Dr and I called back to St Louis on Tom's behalf.

It will be okay to acknowledge our loss and you may even encourage
Tom to talk about it, but if he doesn't want to, he won't. I don't
think that Tom wants anyone to be blind-sided by the news, and I'm
sorry that I'm sending it by email, but I wanted you to know and in
fact, it may be easier to handle this way. I have spent countless
hours on the phone over the past 10 days relaying information about
Tom and then Mike's situation and death. Mike's death notice will be
in the St Louis Post Dispatch this Sat and Sunday and you can view it
online.

We are hoping that Tom will be coming back home on either Friday or
Saturday and Dar will be going back home to AZ on Sunday. Bob will
be coming back to pick up Dar and also visit with Tom and I. I'm
off work, on leave until May 16th, maybe longer.

Life can really throw us some challenges and heartbreak along the
way. This has truly been a heartbreak and a challenge. Take care of
yourselves and if there is someone that I have failed to tell that
you think would want to know, could you please pass it on. Thanks
you always for your love and support.

Love, Denise